"So far they don't sound any different from the knuckle-dragging mouth-breathers at the 16th. Give me some dirt, girl!"

"I dated one of them--Ray Vecchio--once. Once." Louise shook her head, hiccupping a little. "Never again. And that's all I'm saying about him. God, I should eat something…"

"Saving the best for last, huh?" Stella laughed and refilled her wine glass. "Oh, c'mon, Louise! You can't just tease like that! Tell."

Louise shook her head again, taking the bottle from Stella. She poured what was left into her own glass, making a face at how little there was. "I've been trying to forget," she said, then flagged down their waiter.

"Oh, please. You know all about my Ray." When the waiter arrived with the second bottle, Louise ordered a spinach salad and Stella, who'd been waffling between the spinach or a Caesar, ordered the same. "Have I met Vecchio?"

"Probably not. You'd remember, I'm sure. He's a good dresser and not bad looking, but he tries a little too hard, you know? The whole balding Italian macho ideal wrapped in a designer suit." Louise shrugged. "I can't stand the man professionally--he's a total pain in the ass as far as regulations go and I'm sure he'll be just as annoying to you--but he's got some gorgeous green eyes." She filled her glass nearly to the top, gulping--rather elegantly but still gulping--half of it, and then coughing. "Never thought he was such a freak…"

Stella moved the bottle away from the edge of the table, saving it from Louise's elbow. "Hey, I know you, Louise. What on earth--?"

"It was a really normal, good date to start with," Louise insisted, taking the breadstick Stella handed her and savagely biting the end off. "Perfectly normal. Dinner was classy. Then… then he takes me to the Mountie's apartment."

Stella laughed again. "He wanted a threesome with the Mountie? Nothing weird about that." Nothing weird about that at all. Even though she'd never seen the man, let alone met him, everyone had heard about the Mountie.

Louise's eyes went wide. "That would have been normal, Stella! I could have dealt with that." Falling silent, she drained her glass again, reaching for the bottle.

"Nuh-uh. No more until you tell me." Stella moved the wine out of Louise's reach, ignoring her glare.

"It's been a rough week; you're going to have to work with these people." Louise's hand crept toward the bottle. "You really don't want to hear about it…"

Stella swatted Louise's hand. "Seriously, Louise."

"You're a bitch, Stella."

"And so are you. Your point, Counselor? So, was the Mountie there?"

"No, the fucking Mountie wasn't there, thank God. There was," Louise paused for another fierce bite of breadstick, "a sweat lodge. Which, you know, was really kind of neat. Different, but good."

Stella nodded encouragement, taking a large sip of her own wine. "Mmmm, yes. All sweaty…"

"Ray said the Mountie told him it was for spiritual purification," Louise snorted softly. "Yeah, right. Give me the wine, Stella."

"Nothing kinky about a sauna, Louise, even if it is at a Mountie's apartment," Stella taunted, swirling the wine in her own glass. "Spill already! So you were all hot, steamy, sweaty… and what?"

"He leaned in close, ran his hand up my thigh, and asked me…" The words sounded like they were being forced between Louise's teeth.

"Mmmhmmm?" Stella asked pointedly, taking another slow sip.

"To put on the Mountie's spare uniform and pretend that I--" Louise thumped her chest with her fingertips. "Me! Queen bitch of the courtroom, who should be enough for any masochistic, macho cop--"

"You are bitch enough for anyone, I swear!"

"--that I was the Mountie's boss!"

"You're kidding!" In the face of Louise's indignation, Stella managed to turn a half-strangled laugh into what she hoped was a convincing cough, fluttering her left hand vaguely at the glass she still held as she did. "Wait, wait… male or female boss?"

"Female."

"What did he want you to do? Because, really, a little role playing shouldn't be bugging you like this. What could--? Oh!" As the idea occurred to her, Stella snatched up a breadstick of her own, making a subtle yet suggestive gesture with it. "He wanted you to…?"

Louise refused to be placated. "Yes," she snapped, "He wanted me to fuck him up the ass. He brought a strap-on, like he was so sure he could sweet talk me into it. I don't care what… homosexuals do with each other, but I don't touch any man's asshole! Ever."

The waiter nearly dropped their salads in front of them, then retreated to wherever traumatized waiters--they had what had to be the only straight one in Chicago, despite his long, blond ponytail and fey features--hid.

Stella didn't have to hide her laugh this time; as disgusted with Ray Vecchio as Louise evidently was, she was certainly laughing at the waiter.

"There, I told you. Give me the damned wine, Stella. Now."

Still laughing, Stella reached for Louise's glass and filled it herself. "See, that wasn't so hard to say, was it?"

Louise took the glass, downing half of it in one swallow. "You have no idea how hard it was to work with him afterward."

"Oh, trust me," Stella murmured. "I know." She raised an eyebrow. "Remember when I told you about my Ray wearing my underwear?"

"Hell, yes," Louise raised her glass. "And we shall never speak of any of this again!"

"Amen!" As they clinked glasses, Stella hid a pleased smirk with her hand. She was looking quite forward to working--and playing--with Detective Raymond Vecchio.

**

Louise,

Hey girl! Guess what? I'm moving to Florida and making a masochistic, macho cop run a bowling alley. Thanks for the heads up on what he's into. The red wool might get a little warm down there, but there's always air conditioning!

Love,

Stella (soon-to-be-Vecchio!) K.

+++

BACK